Half Term Questions

The blog has been quiet because we have found a routine that works and we have literally just been getting on with homeschooling. We have found that piano music via YouTube helps to focus Ashlyn to get her lessons completed quicker. We have reduced the workload pressure which has mysteriously resulted in her getting through more work. We are slowly making friends within the homeschooling community. We are finally feeling quite settled but, of course, I should have known that wouldn't last long...

Half term <sigh> A time when I should normally be able to relax and not worry about people asking why Ashlyn isn't in school turned into a week where questions were asked almost everyday. So, here you have it. An answer to some of the questions that people have regarding homeschooling!

1. I am not teacher. I have never been a teacher but I am Ashlyn's mother. I have a determination in me to see her succeed in life. To see her reach her dreams. I strive for her to be everything she can be so I am committed to making sure she learns everyday! I am teaching her life skills as well as the National Curriculum requirements. It is tiresome prepping lessons,  dissecting poetry to develop a love of it in her and working on ways to teach her Year 2 grammar when even I don't understand the rules of the English language. I do it nonetheless because anything less would not be good enough for her.

2. We are homeschooling in a semi - structured way. That means there are days when we stay home and work through workbooks or play Phonics and Maths games and then there are others when we are out of the house playing.  We spend 2-3 hours a day on lessons apart from every other Wednesday or Thursday when we either go ice skating or to archery. These days are beneficial for creating an all round learning experience for Ashlyn and offering her the chance to socialise with other home schoolers. I came across this blog the other day and it boggled my mind her take on how little time is actually spent "learning" in a formal school environment. Whilst I celebrated that young children are allowed to just be children it also helps to raise an awareness of how our misconceptions of school can create even more around homeschooling.

3. Yes, I do believe homeschooling is better than formal education. I was guilty of believing it was a "hippy" thing where parents were just rejecting the middle class social system to allow their children to do their own thing. Wow! Was I wrong! It is so much more than I can put into words. It is something that you need to experience with your children. I never thought of homeschooling as something that was a good fit for us. Feeling forced into it was the best thing that could have ever happened to us as I have the freedom to explore our options. BUT I don't think it is for everyone! I struggle to see how Logan would get on in a homeschooling environment. He is so different in personality, weaknesses and strengths and his social needs are different too. It's not to say that I am not considering it but first and foremost, I am seeking what is best for my children.

4. Yes, I am still scared. Every morning I wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach and I worry about whether I am teaching Ashlyn enough, if I am allowing enough opportunities for her to be "Ash". I compare her to friends' children but then I hear her remember a snippet from a poetry lesson from weeks ago, I witness her making friends with strangers and I experience firsthand how so much more empathetic she is now and I know it isn't a coincidence but the fruits of her learning outside of a formal classroom. She may not read as well as others, she may struggle with maths but her creativity is being given the opportunity to bloom and that is worth more than any gold star in a Maths test or moving up a reading level.

5. Finally, I don't think homeschooling children are at a disadvantage to those in formal school. I don't think children in formal schooling are at a disadvantage to those who are home schooled. I think people get too caught up in comparing and judging.  At the end of the day,  my children learning and growing but still being able to be children is vital and what is most important to me. Regardless of where they are during the day,  they are always learning, always absorbing things from their surroundings, from the people they interact with,  through the mistakes they make and from their own cognitive processes linking up information with feelings and experiences.  Life is about learning. Nothing is perfect. Children are constantly learning. Adults are constantly learning.  We never stop learning.  I have just become aware that learning shouldn't be limited to a building and certain hours during the day....

Let the battle commence

So it has officially happened...Despite the exhaustion and chaos and amidst the never having a second to myself, I am weighing up whether or not I could homeschool Logan too and if I would want to homeschool Reuben when the time comes. Shock horror! Am I just a sucker for punishment or is this how it is meant to be?

Seeing the fruits of the last few weeks in Ashlyn, watching the quirky side of her personality come out and missing my Logan so much during the day has let my mind battle with itself. I am experiencing such wonderful things with Ashlyn during the week. Seeing her face her fears,  trying new things and challenging herself is a privelege. We have been restricted though by school hours and I have found myself longing for more freedom in our days to explore more and do more. But I am so incredibly exhausted from juggling her academics,  Reuben's reflux and then all the admin and housework on top of that. I feel permanently behind with something  (generally the washing and ironing).

There is a selfish struggle going on inside of me! I always knew that I wanted to be a mum and stay home to raise my kids. I dreamed about outings and our art and craft days. I pictured us baking together and reading stories together. My dreams all ended when they started school though. The selfish side is stropping and screaming "What about 'me time' and tea with friends?" But the mum in me is saying that I was made for this and surely raising them and teaching them and being with them so much is my primary job. I am writing this post whilst feeding Reuben his bedtime bottle. This is the equivalent of my down time. My eyes are burning and my head is telling me that I am not cut out for long term homeschooling. My heart is screaming at me that my kids are only home for such a short amount of time before they won't need me like they do now. What am I going to do with these early years!

Truth be told, I never considered homeschooling until faced with very few options for Ashlyn. It really is a crazy exciting place to be. Now that we are here, I don't know how easy it will be to go back to the old way of life. It's fun homeschooling. It's different. It's challenging but most of all it is life changing. The big question is whether or not it is the right thing for our whole family. The age old saying "Don't knock it til you've tried it!" ring so true here. It can seem daunting on the outside and even the first initial step of deciding to homeschool can leave you shaking in your boots but I can truly say, despite our teething problems, it is lighter and brighter on this side and I might just be leaning towards homeschooling for infant school! Chances are though,  speak to me tomorrow and I may be adamant that Ashlyn needs to go back to school. For now, my brain is considering options...

Watch this space...

Thinking outside of the box

It has well and truly been an upside down week for "schooling" and I have really had to surrender our schedule to the "busy fairies" and just go with the flow. We have family staying with us from Germany at the moment and my sister had her baby!

You always hear and read about how children can just learn from living but I never really understood that until I found myself really listening to Ashlyn's questions and finding ways to naturally teach her about the things she queried. Her German cousin has been teaching her German words as they play and that in itself is worth gold to me. Breaking away mostly from our loose routine has been a struggle for me. I do think with our busy family that we need a basic structure to the day to make sure that we get things done. I am glad to feel a bit more confident about that. I feel as though we are figuring out what works for our family.

Small spanner in the works today though. Logan is home with a cough and a cold and whilst Ashlyn was working in a Maths book, he was trying to "help". I set him up with some number games on the laptop, as he requested, and momentarily I thought to myself that I could easily home school both of them! It is something we have and are discussing as we continue on this journey but we won't be making any decisions anytime soon.

This week coming will most likely be as unstructured as the last but I am prepared for it this time. I guess I better just get comfortable with that!

The rhythm of life...

It has been a challenging week for all of us. Poor health, sleepless nights and busy days have presented themselves and we have had to tackle what we can and ignore the rest. I learnt to say "No" this week and identify my own limitations to try and avoid burn out. I think homeschooling on its own or a baby with silent reflux on its own would be manageable but coupling the two proves tiresome. We simplified our routine this week which was a lifesaver but Reuben has been very unsettled and trying to get it all "right" has seemed impossible.

Despite our issues,  Ashlyn has grown in confidence with her Maths. This is no small accomplishment for her as she was very intimidated by numbers a few weeks ago. She has spoken confidently with adults these last few days. My timid little girl has engaged in conversation! My heart has burst with pride listening to her. We attempted ice - skating this week too! Not as successful but after plenty of tears, a chat and a chocolate milkshake we will give it another go! The ice - skating was our first real opportunity to meet other homeschooling parents and children and we felt so welcome. Some of the mums even offered support to Ashlyn when she was feeling unsure about trying the ice - skating again. It is such a supportive network of parents. I can't imagine fumbling my way through without the advice of other home schoolers.

We have hit a tricky crossroad in the last few days. Ashlyn is becoming quite fond of being at home and by relaxing the routine she is not taking our structured time very seriously and I am feeling very frustrated by the end of a lesson. To be clear,  we only do two hours of "school" in a day so there is plenty of free time. I wish we felt certain about the longevity of the homeschooling as I would probably feel more comfortable to allow for days like this. We had a chat about what she would like and where she would like to be whether that be at school somewhere or home with me. She has said that she wants to continue waiting for a place at our catchment school so we have discussed that from next week we need to have our focused time to allow for more free time.

I am starting to understand how it can take a long time to find a rhythm and a way of homeschooling that suits each individual family. There really is no cookie cutter one-size-fits all for this. Our size currently looks this and probably will do for a while now...I'm not feeling ok with it today but hopefully by next week I will feel slightly more liberated from my need for routine, lists and rotas!

This is not about me...and late night ramblings!

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was in overdrive. I was wracking my brain to think of ways and means to make MY life flow more smoothly, solutions to allow ME to get to the end of the day with a smile on my face instead of fighting back tears. Trying to think of clever ways to teach Ashlyn whilst getting through a day with Reuben and still giving Logan some quality time with ME. I was lying in bed praying,  practically begging God to help ME when it dawned on me...This season we are in is not just about ME! Enough with the pity party Cristine. Man up woman! I felt God remind me that He has given me a huge responsibility to do some awesome character shaping and relationship building with my daughter. Yes, this is tough and not originally what we wanted, but what an honour to be in a situation where Ashlyn is learning and growing outside of the classroom. He showed me how strong and mature Ashlyn has been. We have removed her from a school she loved, friends she loved and put her in a situation where everything is unknown. She has not complained once. My daughter is amazing!!! My anxiety turned to excitement as I realised Ashlyn's future must be a really exciting one. This season is about her! It is what is needed for her right now. This season is about our family! I am not on my own trying to do this! We are all growing on this journey! We are all being shaped and moulded as we fiddle our way through these early weeks. It's no lie that there is a never a dull moment with our family but we always pull through just as I know now that we will find our way through this. I need to stop fighting with myself and homeschooling and just roll with it. My dad reminded me this morning of Psalm 23. That may sound silly as everyone knows that Psalm but his words hit home

" It's important to realize that adversity is not sent to us from God to test us...Though I walk through the valley of death I fear no evil for You are with me Your rod and staff comfort me....You make me to lie down in green pastures....We are His sheep..He is the Shepherd...He does not test us He loves us and smiles upon us...adversity is coming from a fallen world..When faced with it we turn to our Good Shepherd for protection and encouragement...We don't try and beat ourselves up for not being good enough"

I am leaning into God today for His comfort and council and will stop resisting this season and now try to embrace it and let it teach me too. I have been that stubborn sheep not allowing the Shepherd to guide me and lead me and I have broken away from the herd and then felt scared away from the herd. Time to fall back in line. I am not expecting miracles this coming week but hopefully it will be better than last week...

This is how we do it!

I have run around like a crazy person this week,  juggling my time and energy between the children, Ryan and housework. I have been exhausted by bedtime, comfort eating like a crazed woman and emotionally drained. We eased ourselves into extra curricular activities so as to avoid it all being too overwhelming for Ashlyn and myself. Logan's staggered start of Reception, when I reflect back,  has been an advantage as we haven't been stuck with full days yet to fill.

I started the week full of energy and excited. I had put together a schedule for us, we were going to stick to it. It would be good for us to have lots of structure. We scrapped the schedule quite quickly as Reuben is still very unpredictable and structure went out of the window as my energy levels withered. I need to reduce the pressure I am feeling to keep Ashlyn on top of her work for fear of letting her down if/when she returns to school. I think if we were certain about homeschooling being a long term choice for Ashlyn then I wouldn't be so concerned about maintaining her levels. I have had multiple internal dialogues and even thrown a few tantrums as I feel I have bitten off more than I can chew and am completely out of my depth. I am seeing my own weaknesses so clearly so my confidence is at an all time low. The truth is, I had a complete wobble last night. The idea of homeschooling can seem so romantic but the reality is that it is really hard. I turned to  a group of wise women in a Christian Home Educators group on Facebook who, very late last night, spoke gently to me and calmed me down and have given me some tips and tricks.

This morning, on the way back from dropping Logan off, Ashlyn was attempting to scooter with alternating legs and her weaker leg meant she moved slower and not so smoothly compared to her dominant leg. She stopped and said "Mum, if I trust myself and I trust God then I can do this!" That single sentence has resonated with me this morning. Next week will be our fresh start. I will be trying again with less pressure on me and lower expectations for how much we will achieve. I feel as though God has taken me back to school to learn some life lessons. I am fairly certain that I won't get it right in the next week but as of this morning I am ok with that. I will go into the week trusting my skills as a mummy, as that is what I have been called to be, and I will trust that God has brought us here for a reason and that He will lead and guide me to be who Ashlyn needs me to be.

In the beginning

Our homeschooling journey begins this week. We stumbled into it, we have accidentally found ourselves here. It was never our intention to do this. We have always been a family who were happy with the schooling our children received. We always felt our children were nurtured. We never intended to leave the traditional schooling system for the alternative but yet here we are. School placements, catchment schools and a house move led us into this choice. 

This past weekend was spent wearing in new school shoes for Logan and I kept looking at Ashlyn and thinking about how different this term will be for her. No uniform, no sitting with her friends at lunch time, no reward assemblies but yet she will be attending literacy club, ice skating and archery. My heart is mourning for what she will be missing out on but excited for what she will be experiencing. I feel horrible guilt that Reuben will not have the one-on-one time with me that Ashlyn and Logan have both had. That he will be forced into a routine that revolves around Ashlyn. I worry that I  am completely under qualified for this and that I will barely survive the first week. These emotions are intense and overwhelming and if I could curl up in a ball and hide, I would. Full of fear, I am stepping into the unknown. I put a brave and excited face on for Ashlyn but on the inside I am trembling and nervous as though it was my first day at a new school.

This really isn't a pity post or me looking for some compliments but rather just me exhaling everything I have thought and felt and kept to myself for weeks. I keep telling myself that God has brought us here for a reason and for a season. I can't see all that is ahead of me but I know I need to press forward and things will fall into place because I will always be able to see at least a few feet in front of me. The biggest unknown is that we are still unsure if this is short term experience or the beginning of something new for our whole family and that freaks the daylights out of me. Either way,  I thought a blog would be a good place for me to write about and remember this adventure...

Let the fun begin!