This is how we do it!

I have run around like a crazy person this week,  juggling my time and energy between the children, Ryan and housework. I have been exhausted by bedtime, comfort eating like a crazed woman and emotionally drained. We eased ourselves into extra curricular activities so as to avoid it all being too overwhelming for Ashlyn and myself. Logan's staggered start of Reception, when I reflect back,  has been an advantage as we haven't been stuck with full days yet to fill.

I started the week full of energy and excited. I had put together a schedule for us, we were going to stick to it. It would be good for us to have lots of structure. We scrapped the schedule quite quickly as Reuben is still very unpredictable and structure went out of the window as my energy levels withered. I need to reduce the pressure I am feeling to keep Ashlyn on top of her work for fear of letting her down if/when she returns to school. I think if we were certain about homeschooling being a long term choice for Ashlyn then I wouldn't be so concerned about maintaining her levels. I have had multiple internal dialogues and even thrown a few tantrums as I feel I have bitten off more than I can chew and am completely out of my depth. I am seeing my own weaknesses so clearly so my confidence is at an all time low. The truth is, I had a complete wobble last night. The idea of homeschooling can seem so romantic but the reality is that it is really hard. I turned to  a group of wise women in a Christian Home Educators group on Facebook who, very late last night, spoke gently to me and calmed me down and have given me some tips and tricks.

This morning, on the way back from dropping Logan off, Ashlyn was attempting to scooter with alternating legs and her weaker leg meant she moved slower and not so smoothly compared to her dominant leg. She stopped and said "Mum, if I trust myself and I trust God then I can do this!" That single sentence has resonated with me this morning. Next week will be our fresh start. I will be trying again with less pressure on me and lower expectations for how much we will achieve. I feel as though God has taken me back to school to learn some life lessons. I am fairly certain that I won't get it right in the next week but as of this morning I am ok with that. I will go into the week trusting my skills as a mummy, as that is what I have been called to be, and I will trust that God has brought us here for a reason and that He will lead and guide me to be who Ashlyn needs me to be.