Thinking outside of the box

It has well and truly been an upside down week for "schooling" and I have really had to surrender our schedule to the "busy fairies" and just go with the flow. We have family staying with us from Germany at the moment and my sister had her baby!

You always hear and read about how children can just learn from living but I never really understood that until I found myself really listening to Ashlyn's questions and finding ways to naturally teach her about the things she queried. Her German cousin has been teaching her German words as they play and that in itself is worth gold to me. Breaking away mostly from our loose routine has been a struggle for me. I do think with our busy family that we need a basic structure to the day to make sure that we get things done. I am glad to feel a bit more confident about that. I feel as though we are figuring out what works for our family.

Small spanner in the works today though. Logan is home with a cough and a cold and whilst Ashlyn was working in a Maths book, he was trying to "help". I set him up with some number games on the laptop, as he requested, and momentarily I thought to myself that I could easily home school both of them! It is something we have and are discussing as we continue on this journey but we won't be making any decisions anytime soon.

This week coming will most likely be as unstructured as the last but I am prepared for it this time. I guess I better just get comfortable with that!

The rhythm of life...

It has been a challenging week for all of us. Poor health, sleepless nights and busy days have presented themselves and we have had to tackle what we can and ignore the rest. I learnt to say "No" this week and identify my own limitations to try and avoid burn out. I think homeschooling on its own or a baby with silent reflux on its own would be manageable but coupling the two proves tiresome. We simplified our routine this week which was a lifesaver but Reuben has been very unsettled and trying to get it all "right" has seemed impossible.

Despite our issues,  Ashlyn has grown in confidence with her Maths. This is no small accomplishment for her as she was very intimidated by numbers a few weeks ago. She has spoken confidently with adults these last few days. My timid little girl has engaged in conversation! My heart has burst with pride listening to her. We attempted ice - skating this week too! Not as successful but after plenty of tears, a chat and a chocolate milkshake we will give it another go! The ice - skating was our first real opportunity to meet other homeschooling parents and children and we felt so welcome. Some of the mums even offered support to Ashlyn when she was feeling unsure about trying the ice - skating again. It is such a supportive network of parents. I can't imagine fumbling my way through without the advice of other home schoolers.

We have hit a tricky crossroad in the last few days. Ashlyn is becoming quite fond of being at home and by relaxing the routine she is not taking our structured time very seriously and I am feeling very frustrated by the end of a lesson. To be clear,  we only do two hours of "school" in a day so there is plenty of free time. I wish we felt certain about the longevity of the homeschooling as I would probably feel more comfortable to allow for days like this. We had a chat about what she would like and where she would like to be whether that be at school somewhere or home with me. She has said that she wants to continue waiting for a place at our catchment school so we have discussed that from next week we need to have our focused time to allow for more free time.

I am starting to understand how it can take a long time to find a rhythm and a way of homeschooling that suits each individual family. There really is no cookie cutter one-size-fits all for this. Our size currently looks this and probably will do for a while now...I'm not feeling ok with it today but hopefully by next week I will feel slightly more liberated from my need for routine, lists and rotas!

This is not about me...and late night ramblings!

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was in overdrive. I was wracking my brain to think of ways and means to make MY life flow more smoothly, solutions to allow ME to get to the end of the day with a smile on my face instead of fighting back tears. Trying to think of clever ways to teach Ashlyn whilst getting through a day with Reuben and still giving Logan some quality time with ME. I was lying in bed praying,  practically begging God to help ME when it dawned on me...This season we are in is not just about ME! Enough with the pity party Cristine. Man up woman! I felt God remind me that He has given me a huge responsibility to do some awesome character shaping and relationship building with my daughter. Yes, this is tough and not originally what we wanted, but what an honour to be in a situation where Ashlyn is learning and growing outside of the classroom. He showed me how strong and mature Ashlyn has been. We have removed her from a school she loved, friends she loved and put her in a situation where everything is unknown. She has not complained once. My daughter is amazing!!! My anxiety turned to excitement as I realised Ashlyn's future must be a really exciting one. This season is about her! It is what is needed for her right now. This season is about our family! I am not on my own trying to do this! We are all growing on this journey! We are all being shaped and moulded as we fiddle our way through these early weeks. It's no lie that there is a never a dull moment with our family but we always pull through just as I know now that we will find our way through this. I need to stop fighting with myself and homeschooling and just roll with it. My dad reminded me this morning of Psalm 23. That may sound silly as everyone knows that Psalm but his words hit home

" It's important to realize that adversity is not sent to us from God to test us...Though I walk through the valley of death I fear no evil for You are with me Your rod and staff comfort me....You make me to lie down in green pastures....We are His sheep..He is the Shepherd...He does not test us He loves us and smiles upon us...adversity is coming from a fallen world..When faced with it we turn to our Good Shepherd for protection and encouragement...We don't try and beat ourselves up for not being good enough"

I am leaning into God today for His comfort and council and will stop resisting this season and now try to embrace it and let it teach me too. I have been that stubborn sheep not allowing the Shepherd to guide me and lead me and I have broken away from the herd and then felt scared away from the herd. Time to fall back in line. I am not expecting miracles this coming week but hopefully it will be better than last week...

This is how we do it!

I have run around like a crazy person this week,  juggling my time and energy between the children, Ryan and housework. I have been exhausted by bedtime, comfort eating like a crazed woman and emotionally drained. We eased ourselves into extra curricular activities so as to avoid it all being too overwhelming for Ashlyn and myself. Logan's staggered start of Reception, when I reflect back,  has been an advantage as we haven't been stuck with full days yet to fill.

I started the week full of energy and excited. I had put together a schedule for us, we were going to stick to it. It would be good for us to have lots of structure. We scrapped the schedule quite quickly as Reuben is still very unpredictable and structure went out of the window as my energy levels withered. I need to reduce the pressure I am feeling to keep Ashlyn on top of her work for fear of letting her down if/when she returns to school. I think if we were certain about homeschooling being a long term choice for Ashlyn then I wouldn't be so concerned about maintaining her levels. I have had multiple internal dialogues and even thrown a few tantrums as I feel I have bitten off more than I can chew and am completely out of my depth. I am seeing my own weaknesses so clearly so my confidence is at an all time low. The truth is, I had a complete wobble last night. The idea of homeschooling can seem so romantic but the reality is that it is really hard. I turned to  a group of wise women in a Christian Home Educators group on Facebook who, very late last night, spoke gently to me and calmed me down and have given me some tips and tricks.

This morning, on the way back from dropping Logan off, Ashlyn was attempting to scooter with alternating legs and her weaker leg meant she moved slower and not so smoothly compared to her dominant leg. She stopped and said "Mum, if I trust myself and I trust God then I can do this!" That single sentence has resonated with me this morning. Next week will be our fresh start. I will be trying again with less pressure on me and lower expectations for how much we will achieve. I feel as though God has taken me back to school to learn some life lessons. I am fairly certain that I won't get it right in the next week but as of this morning I am ok with that. I will go into the week trusting my skills as a mummy, as that is what I have been called to be, and I will trust that God has brought us here for a reason and that He will lead and guide me to be who Ashlyn needs me to be.