This is not about me...and late night ramblings!

I couldn't sleep last night. My brain was in overdrive. I was wracking my brain to think of ways and means to make MY life flow more smoothly, solutions to allow ME to get to the end of the day with a smile on my face instead of fighting back tears. Trying to think of clever ways to teach Ashlyn whilst getting through a day with Reuben and still giving Logan some quality time with ME. I was lying in bed praying,  practically begging God to help ME when it dawned on me...This season we are in is not just about ME! Enough with the pity party Cristine. Man up woman! I felt God remind me that He has given me a huge responsibility to do some awesome character shaping and relationship building with my daughter. Yes, this is tough and not originally what we wanted, but what an honour to be in a situation where Ashlyn is learning and growing outside of the classroom. He showed me how strong and mature Ashlyn has been. We have removed her from a school she loved, friends she loved and put her in a situation where everything is unknown. She has not complained once. My daughter is amazing!!! My anxiety turned to excitement as I realised Ashlyn's future must be a really exciting one. This season is about her! It is what is needed for her right now. This season is about our family! I am not on my own trying to do this! We are all growing on this journey! We are all being shaped and moulded as we fiddle our way through these early weeks. It's no lie that there is a never a dull moment with our family but we always pull through just as I know now that we will find our way through this. I need to stop fighting with myself and homeschooling and just roll with it. My dad reminded me this morning of Psalm 23. That may sound silly as everyone knows that Psalm but his words hit home

" It's important to realize that adversity is not sent to us from God to test us...Though I walk through the valley of death I fear no evil for You are with me Your rod and staff comfort me....You make me to lie down in green pastures....We are His sheep..He is the Shepherd...He does not test us He loves us and smiles upon us...adversity is coming from a fallen world..When faced with it we turn to our Good Shepherd for protection and encouragement...We don't try and beat ourselves up for not being good enough"

I am leaning into God today for His comfort and council and will stop resisting this season and now try to embrace it and let it teach me too. I have been that stubborn sheep not allowing the Shepherd to guide me and lead me and I have broken away from the herd and then felt scared away from the herd. Time to fall back in line. I am not expecting miracles this coming week but hopefully it will be better than last week...