Let the battle commence

So it has officially happened...Despite the exhaustion and chaos and amidst the never having a second to myself, I am weighing up whether or not I could homeschool Logan too and if I would want to homeschool Reuben when the time comes. Shock horror! Am I just a sucker for punishment or is this how it is meant to be?

Seeing the fruits of the last few weeks in Ashlyn, watching the quirky side of her personality come out and missing my Logan so much during the day has let my mind battle with itself. I am experiencing such wonderful things with Ashlyn during the week. Seeing her face her fears,  trying new things and challenging herself is a privelege. We have been restricted though by school hours and I have found myself longing for more freedom in our days to explore more and do more. But I am so incredibly exhausted from juggling her academics,  Reuben's reflux and then all the admin and housework on top of that. I feel permanently behind with something  (generally the washing and ironing).

There is a selfish struggle going on inside of me! I always knew that I wanted to be a mum and stay home to raise my kids. I dreamed about outings and our art and craft days. I pictured us baking together and reading stories together. My dreams all ended when they started school though. The selfish side is stropping and screaming "What about 'me time' and tea with friends?" But the mum in me is saying that I was made for this and surely raising them and teaching them and being with them so much is my primary job. I am writing this post whilst feeding Reuben his bedtime bottle. This is the equivalent of my down time. My eyes are burning and my head is telling me that I am not cut out for long term homeschooling. My heart is screaming at me that my kids are only home for such a short amount of time before they won't need me like they do now. What am I going to do with these early years!

Truth be told, I never considered homeschooling until faced with very few options for Ashlyn. It really is a crazy exciting place to be. Now that we are here, I don't know how easy it will be to go back to the old way of life. It's fun homeschooling. It's different. It's challenging but most of all it is life changing. The big question is whether or not it is the right thing for our whole family. The age old saying "Don't knock it til you've tried it!" ring so true here. It can seem daunting on the outside and even the first initial step of deciding to homeschool can leave you shaking in your boots but I can truly say, despite our teething problems, it is lighter and brighter on this side and I might just be leaning towards homeschooling for infant school! Chances are though,  speak to me tomorrow and I may be adamant that Ashlyn needs to go back to school. For now, my brain is considering options...

Watch this space...