In the beginning

Our homeschooling journey begins this week. We stumbled into it, we have accidentally found ourselves here. It was never our intention to do this. We have always been a family who were happy with the schooling our children received. We always felt our children were nurtured. We never intended to leave the traditional schooling system for the alternative but yet here we are. School placements, catchment schools and a house move led us into this choice. 

This past weekend was spent wearing in new school shoes for Logan and I kept looking at Ashlyn and thinking about how different this term will be for her. No uniform, no sitting with her friends at lunch time, no reward assemblies but yet she will be attending literacy club, ice skating and archery. My heart is mourning for what she will be missing out on but excited for what she will be experiencing. I feel horrible guilt that Reuben will not have the one-on-one time with me that Ashlyn and Logan have both had. That he will be forced into a routine that revolves around Ashlyn. I worry that I  am completely under qualified for this and that I will barely survive the first week. These emotions are intense and overwhelming and if I could curl up in a ball and hide, I would. Full of fear, I am stepping into the unknown. I put a brave and excited face on for Ashlyn but on the inside I am trembling and nervous as though it was my first day at a new school.

This really isn't a pity post or me looking for some compliments but rather just me exhaling everything I have thought and felt and kept to myself for weeks. I keep telling myself that God has brought us here for a reason and for a season. I can't see all that is ahead of me but I know I need to press forward and things will fall into place because I will always be able to see at least a few feet in front of me. The biggest unknown is that we are still unsure if this is short term experience or the beginning of something new for our whole family and that freaks the daylights out of me. Either way,  I thought a blog would be a good place for me to write about and remember this adventure...

Let the fun begin!